Dear diary,
the year 2020 is about to come to an end, this year had alot of ups and downs in terms of my relationship, there are times that have been the hardest, and times where i have been the happiest.
Today I revealed my relationship to Boey and recieved positive encouragement, which was something i needed to push myself despite feeling negative for the past few days. Its just something i have been feeling recently and it just comes for no apparent reason. I am thankful for being able to relay the story to him and accept him as a good friend, but not sure how it will turn out as ppl would just say anything and just be fake about it.
Today i also argued with bby about me not being reliable to him, I know that there are things I cannot do, i am timid, i have not been able to protect anyone cause I never had that mindset before, but i really tried my best to make him happy. I do not blame him for anything he did because its my fault, but being in a good mood can simply be ruined by just scenarios that are assumed. I never had the intention of not doing anything and I have been trying my best to do things i am capable of, he just dont see these as reliable and scenarios where arent happening, i cant do anything if i dont have the luxury of doing it.
How i wished i was rich, i have time, i was free, so that i can do the things i want to and not be stressed about anything. I wished that i could do more things for him.
I understand that he is moody today, but i just have to give in and not make it more serious, because in this r/s, i always have to owe him everything i do for my past mistakes.
I hope 2021 would be a better year, i just have to grow up.
